I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
