He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
