I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
