Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
