A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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