I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
