the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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