ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
