hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
