Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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