Me. At least after what I've been through.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
