We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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