I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
