she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
