I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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