Plan B is the new Plan A
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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