In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
