I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
