I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
