omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
