you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Couch. On fire.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
