You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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