I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
