Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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