I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
