Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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