Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
