you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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