So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
