We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
