Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
