You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sext me about skeletons
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
