Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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