Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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