I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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