Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Michael Bay diarrhea
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
God, I missed his penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize