Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
