sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The Olympian is in my bed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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