I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
