do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
