It's like a parade of train wrecks.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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