You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
