We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
