Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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