i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didn't notice because vodka
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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