every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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