Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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