my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
