Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
