Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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