did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what day is it and did you see me today?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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