i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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