wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
