Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
