I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
