The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
