Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Randomize
