you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Let's paint friendship bongs
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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