I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
