Me too!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
