I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
