So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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