He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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