I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
