I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
