Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
