The maid of honor just puked.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
